Everyone knows about FIFA’s dominance and supremacy when it comes to football video games, but Konami is coming for the EA Sports crown this year with eFootball 2022. If it gets that crowd, it’s got two extremely ugly heads to put it.
I refused to believe it was real until I dug a little deeper and confirmed it was accurate. That said, I don’t believe it’s Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, I think it’s actually ‘Lonel Messy’ and ‘Chris Ranoldo’, they’re non-union scab equivalents.
Messi seems to have inherited the sausage business from his father, who is barely getting by, but he feels he has to keep it open as a family duty. He is unhappy and dissatisfied, which hurts him even more when customers tell him he makes the best chorizo in Buenos Aires. If he’s the best, why isn’t the company better? If people enjoyed sausage so much, maybe he could hire another employee and take a vacation for once.
Meanwhile, Ronaldo is an Animorph who was mid-transformation between his English Bulldog form and a night job as a hitman, when the wind shifted as his face froze that way. Now he is on a quest for a wizard who can undo the curse so he can return to his normal form.
As bad as these scans are, it’s nothing compared to how eFootball 2022 is received. It’s currently the lowest rated game EVER on Steam.and it’s impossible to find anyone who actually thinks it’s a good game. End it all with the absolutely horrifying crowd in the stands, all of whom have apparently decided to attend a football game after being subjected to the “Saw” tests of Jigsaw.
I just hope that Lonel Messy and Chris Ranoldo can find happiness.